FIve Weeks & QOL

In five hours, I will be able to say that I've now been living in India for five whole weeks! Crazy. It's funny...some teachers here make the comment, "Man, time has really flown by!" SOME teachers. Not me. For me, THIS week has been flying by, but overall, not so much. In fact, sometimes it feels like I've been here for months, and I can only speculate that that's because so much happens on a daily basis. Seriously, I feel like on any given day so much happens here that it ends up feeling like a couple of days' worth of events.

School itself is a whirlwind. Never in my life have I been so preoccupied with school. I definitely feel like a week and a half ago was my low point (in terms of my stress level). I let it get to the point that I was completely consumed by trying to learn all of these programs, and not only that, I was being way too hard on myself for not catching on quickly enough. But in a way, I sometimes honestly feel like a brand new teacher. Sure, I can get through a day on a wing and a prayer, but to actually feel good about my teaching, to actually feel like my kids are getting the best I've got, that's been a long time. The fact is, I got way too comfortable teaching at TCK. While part of my desire was to move just to "get out of Dodge(bullets)," part of it was the fact that I had just become way too complacent. I knew I wanted a challenge, but man, careful what you wish for. This place has challenged me to the nth (is that how you'd spell it??) degree. Not so much the living in India, and not so much the social dynamic of meeting and interacting with new colleagues, it truly is the self-inflicted anxiety and stress of wanting to do so well and to do that so quickly that has been the most painful at times.  But now, five weeks into my stay and three weeks into school, I'm getting to the point where I'm beginning to feel a little more comfortable, and when I take the time to reflect on all that I've learned, I'm feeling a little more at ease, and sometimes, just sometimes, I even feel really good about the way things are going.

I'm getting better with our new reading and writing programs. I'm not 100% sold on their effectiveness, but I feel OK with my own implementation of them. Each day gets better and better with regard to that. Math has gotten better too. I've found some great resources online to help supplement what I'm teaching, and a lot of those are games. My class goes crazy for games (hell, I think any class goes crazy for anything that even resembles a "game). Games are truly the holy grail in a classroom full of kids. In social studies, I've bucked the system (which a couple of people aren't super pleased about) by having my class work on a biomes project. It wasn't really part of the standards, but I went ahead with it anyway because frankly, I needed something for them to do and also because I knew I could bring technology into it and capitalize on the excitement of doing a multimedia presentation. And so far, the kids are REALLY into it. And finally, the bane of my existence...science. Today, I did my first science experiment with the class. At points, I seriously thought about kicking down my classroom door and throwing myself over the balcony, but I kept it together long enough to get through the lesson AND not hurt anyone. It was particularly frustrating because A)It was my first experiment B)It was like 15 steps long and C)Kids don't listen so much when you're constantly stopping to ask questions, particularly when they have science equipment in their hands. It was a difficult process, but like anything, will hopefully only get easier in time.

Now, what's QOL? Any guesses. Well, here's a hint. Last week, I bought a car. A big car. It actually looks more like something you'd take out on safari in Africa. Or the streets of India, which in a lot of ways are very similar in terms of their level of danger. Next, I'm moving to a new apartment next Wednesday. It's bigger, in a better neighborhood, AND it has an awesome beach view. And finally, as you've probably already read, I joined the Park Hyatt, where I can escape on any given day to hit the most luxurious spa I've ever seen. It's got a small, but very nice gym, a kick-ass locker room, complete with stocked lockers (disposable undergarments, plush robe and towel, and slippers), a jacuzzi and cold dip pool, sauna, steam room (which smells like eucalyptus), a rooftop infinity pool, and not to mention, an AWESOME, SWANKY bar and restaurant. And they serve old fashioneds. And they serve Sapphire martinis.

QOL, my friends, is quality of life. I have a QOL that I've never before enjoyed...a (future) cool apartment, a (future) tank of a car, a (future) driver, a maid, great kids, supportive and knowledgeable colleagues, a gym/spa membership, good money, and the infinite potential that awaits me in terms of travel opportunites. You can see what I mean. I'm loving life in India despite the occasional bouts of violent levels of stress, which I hope are mostly behind me. And for those days where the stress level kicks itself up, it's off to the Hyatt I go!

Later, y'all. Time for some ultimate frisbee.

Ben

Making Noise

No, I'm not talking about the birds outside of my windows, and no, I'm not talking about the crazy Indian man who roams the streets around me yelling every Saturday and Sunday morning. I'm talking about me. Making noise.

School has been stressing me out. Big time. It's been a difficult transition to go from a situation where you almost feel completely scripted, all the way to an environment where although there are some standards, you basically are left to figure it all out on your own. When I got here, one of the things I was really excited about was the fact that we had 90 minutes per day of prep. I thought to myself, "Man, we're going to have SO much free time on our hands! I'll never have to stay late or come in on weekends!" WRONG. Pretty much every day since I've gotten here, I've stayed in my classroom for two hours every day after school, and every weekend, I've come to the school on one of the days to try and plan. The problem is, there is SO much to learn, and in the end, so little time to do it (because we constantly have meetings during our prep, each one of which makes me feel even more stressed by the time it's over). I've grown to dread going to meetings for the simple fact that it never feels like we actually accomplish anything. During our time, we're basically unloaded on with a bevy of new "to do's" and more "expectations" from the school. I think I reached my low point this weekend, where in an act of desperation, I actually called our school's director of Curriculum & Instruction to voice my concerns over two things: curriculum overload/lack of training and poorly functioning grade-level team meetings. Making noise.

The conversation went well, although I will say that it was tough to articulately state how I was feeling. There was such a range of emotions, all the way from desperation to frustration. I kind of just had a stream of consciousness, sharing that I felt like "the writing was on the wall" in terms of our grade level not working well together and/or getting anything accomplished. I felt that we were off to a rough start, and that if something wasn't done quickly to get us back on track, things would end up going awry. I also discussed how completely overwhelming it's been for new teachers to be expected to figure out all of the complexities of our new program and attend meeting after meeting, all while trying to work with kids and adjust to our new lives. Although I certainly appreciated our "soft landing" in terms of the actual physical transition, it was a rude awakening to go from that to one of the more stressful emotional transitions I've ever experienced. After our talk, I felt better. I did end up going to school, but I basically just sat there and scratched my head. Have you ever been in a situation where there's just so much to do that you don't even know where to start? And because you don't know where to start, you don't do anything? Sure you have. That was me on Sunday. So, I bailed after a couple of hours and did what any stressed out person would do. I went to the mall and got a haircut (that's what stressed out people do, right?).

The next day (Monday), school started off so-so. Megha and I had a fairly decent lesson planned, and the kids were less lethargic than they were last Monday (which was brutal). The morning kind of crawled by, and then at around noon, we had our grade-level meeting. In those meetings, there are about eight of us, one of which is kind of like a trainer/liaison named Andrea. She's probably in her mid-40's, from New Zealand, and has been on the international circuit for quite some time. Last week, I actually made a snide little comment about how instead of having "meetings about meetings," maybe we should have been having meetings that were actually useful. I asserted that meetings talking about how to conduct yourself in meetings were probably useless, because after all, who in the hell can't be professional in a meeting?! Well, I guess that was the wrong thing to say. I decided to shut up after that. So anyway, we were at this meeting, and the first 45 minutes were spent listening to our cool-ass librarian, who's totally on our side. He talked about everything he could do to support us, and that was awesome. Next came the superintendent's wife, who is really great and teaches first grade. She presented how her team had spent considerable time last year working together to develop a math curriculum. When they were done presenting, our team leader, Becky, quickly changed the subject and started saying how we should all break up and start talking about SS and Science. Well, at that point, I was beginning to feel my frustration level rising, and before long, I had to make some noise. The noise went something like this: "OK, sorry, but I can't move on. I feel like someone's got to say something here. Every meeting we have, all we do is talk surface-level about everything under the sun, but we never actually make any progress. Honestly, I'm tired of coming to meetings where I leave feeling more frazzled than when I got there. At some point, we need to start having meaningful discussions that actually move us forward. We spend five minutes here, and five minutes there, but never really get anything done. I mean, think about it from our perspective. There are three of us new teachers, and two of you who have been here for 17 years. I know you guys tell us to just 'do what we can,' but when you're both sitting here telling us about all the things you're doing in your class, and we don't know anything about them, how are we NOT supposed to compare ourselves and feel badly that we're not doing for our kids what you are for yours? Instead of focusing on three subjects and doing a mediocre job at each of them, why aren't we focusing on ONE and doing a thorough job on it? Wouldn't our time be better spent working together on Math, rather than having new teachers try to develop curriculum that they don't even understand?" When I was done with my little tirade (it wasn't an angry tirade, but definitely impassioned), there were lots of stunned looks. For a second, nobody said anything, and then after that, we had a fairly intense conversation that ultimately ended in us deciding to focus on math for our entire next meeting. In the end, I don't know how people felt about my assertiveness, but I can say that Andrea came to my classroom about 30 seconds after I walked in and told me she agreed with me and that I had a good point. Nobody else really said anything, so I can't be sure how they all felt, but at least I felt a little better.

Now let's fast-forward to yesterday morning, because I wasn't done with my noise-making. My co-teacher, Megha (who I'm starting to actually really get along well with) and I were doing a little writing lesson on being more descriptive with the kids' narratives. They had out their laptops, I had mine hooked up to the Smart Board, kids were working, we were laughing, and in walks Kevin (the elementary principal). It was his first time in the classroom, so the timing was excellent. We happened to be talking about adjectives that described me, and Jae Hoon (the one who wrote me the letter) mentioned that I was "kind of fat" (not an accurate assessment, but we went with it because the kids thought it was funny). Anyway, it was up on the screen because we were looking for synonyms (and explaining that words like "obese" or "massive" wouldn't be appropriate because I'm not those things), and when Kevin walked in, it was right in the middle of this discussion. The kids were all having a blast, and even Kevin was pretty amused. He hung out for a few minutes, snapped some pictures, and I think Megha and I both shared a moment of relief. It's not that he's a menacing figure (quite the contrary), but still, it's your principal, and you want him to be impressed. Later that day, he wrote me a nice email saying he liked what he saw and that it was clear I had a great rapport with the kids and had succeeded in creating a positive and fun atmosphere. Then, he asked me if I had any questions for him...

Wrong question, because yes, I always have questions. Lots of them. Basically, I told him all about how I felt in a very carefully-crafted email and went on to ask if we could have a half-day for the entire team so we could get some planning done. Then, after I sent it, I talked to my friend Laura (who's spent the last six days in the hospital fighting off dengue). I read her the letter and she said it was brilliant, but that I should also send it to Anne, the VP, who's really my evaluator. So then, I panicked a little bit, because now, I had sent an email to Kevin AND I had had a conversation with a director, but had never reached out to her. I sat back down and wrote her a fairly lengthy email explaining how I was feeling and justifying why I hadn't included her or reached out to her earlier. I know, what a neurotic mess. After that, I had the whole, "Should I have sent that?" feeling in my gut, but luckily, after two back-to-back episodes of "Breaking Bad," I fell asleep and didn't worry about it.

This morning, when I was walking down the hall towards my classroom, I turned around the corner just in time to see Kevin and Andrea having a conversation, no doubt about me and my emails. They both got quiet really quickly, but kept the conversation going without any specifics. Nice try, but I'm on to you guys! I said my hellos and walked past, and after I returned from getting my coffee, Andrea came into my room and offered to spend some time meeting with me today to talk about Science, which was really a nice gesture. Within an hour, both Kevin and Anne had written me, telling me that they appreciated my honesty and would do whatever they needed to do to help me out. In fact, Anne and I are having a "working lunch" tomorrow, and on Thursday, another woman (who coordinates some curriculum herself) and I are meeting for an hour after school. I'm blown away at their outpouring of support, and am certainly very appreciative at the way they've received my SOS signals. Truly, this school is amazing.

Today ended up being a great day, and it couldn't have come at a better time. I like to think that professionally, I hit my low point and that there's only one way to go from here. I'm looking forward to my meetings these next couple of days, where hopefully I'll be able to get even more clarification and support and that real soon, I'll get the hang of things. Being in survival mode is no fun...and I'd forgotten how that feels. It's a good reminder of why a lot of the "experienced" teachers I've known for the past decade or so have been so reluctant when change comes their way. It's stressful!!

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to go look at my potential new car (mini tank). Stay tuned...

Ben

Meditation School Droupout

If you ever looked closely, you'd notice I have a tendency to go "all in" with respect to many aspects of my life. Paleo would be a good, recent example. I'm all about "drinking the Kool-Aid" when it comes to new things, shiny things. Things that I think will permanently change my life forever. I don't know when this began happening to me, but for those who know me best (and my mom would give a vigorous head-nod in agreement), I tend to lose sight of those things over time. Sometimes it's a short time, other times much longer, but inevitably, usually I lose interest fairly quickly in things that previously held so much appeal. Now, I'm not saying I'm done with meditation (as the title might imply), rather, on Sunday, I completely lost interest and basically dropped myself out of the meditation class. What's funny about that was that I was the one who was so hung-ho about the whole thing in the first place. In fact, I managed to get four other people involved in it as well. The first night was a little boring/cheesy/new agey, but I persevered. The next night was just OK for me. By the third night, I had accepted my fate, but was definitely getting tired of the time commitment and the seemingly endless lectures by our guru lady. By the fourth night (Friday), I was a little bitter that I was spending so much time on the cement floor, again, listening to some long, drawn out, halfway intelligible "lessons" about how to live life. You can't just tell people things like, "Don't be a football for other people's emotions," "What you resist will persist," or even, "Opposite values are complimentary" and expect that they'll become engrained in people's heads. I'd love to stop reacting to people or to stop caring entirely about other people's opinions of me, but let's face it, this isn't going to happen overnight just because you said it, lady. So by Saturday, when I had to spend from 3-7 at the studio, I was just flat out annoyed. However, the one thing that was keeping me coming back was that I really did want to learn how to do the 20-minute Sudarshan Kriya on my own, so that I could begin doing it in the comfort of my own shitty apartment (more on that later). By Saturday, we had done the Kriya our fourth time, and I was sure that I had it memorized. After we had done the yoga and breathing (about a 1.5-2 hour process in all), the rest of the time was spent listening to her and another guy drone on and on. But the kicker was yet to come. Just when I thought I couldn't be any more annoyed by my being there, they pulled the ultimate on me. They opened with a story about how Sri Sri Ravi Shankar could understand people by simply looking into their eyes and immediately I knew where this was going. I knew where it was going, and I didn't like it at all, but I was stuck. And sure enough, within minutes, there I was, sitting face-to-face on the floor, looking into some Indian dudes eyes for like five minutes without saying a word. It was SO awkward! And then, as if that wasn't bad enough, we had to hug after! Oh no, but wait, there's more. So after him, I'm supposed to turn and do this again with another partner. Lucky me, it's a cute Indian woman! But no! At the last minute, they run over and swap her out with an old Indian man! So there we are, staring into one another's eyes for about three minutes or so, and then finally, the best part, the part where we get to close our eyes. I hear the guy on the microphone say, "If you want to hold the other person's hands, you can do that." I was thinking, "No way this dude's gonna hold my hands. He can barely keep eye contact with me he's so uncomfortable." But then, what do I feel on my hands? This dude, reaching out to hold them. Really dude?! So now, eyes are back open, and I'm sitting there, holding this dude's hands and starting into his eyes again. Only this time, he can barely keep eye contact with me. So wait, you want to hold hands with me, but you can't even look at me?! I was over it completely at that point, and couldn't wait to leave. And when I heard them say right before class was dismissed that we'd be doing it the next day, I knew I would never last.

After class got out, I went and grabbed some dinner at my new favorite spot, "Hot Chips," which is the place I posted on FB about yesterday. All veg, extensive menu, air conditioned, and if you're lucky, you can watch two Indian men having a Jerry Springer-esque slapping fight right inside the place (like they did my first time there...it was hilarious). After I ate, I went home and cleaned up. I also had a couple of swigs from my $40 bottle of BOMBAY SAPPHIRE (what?!) before heading out to the "dance party" being held at the theater director's THREE STORY house that he lives in ALL BY HIMSELF (I haven't forgotten about my apartment...that's up next). Anyway, it was a fun party, but because I hadn't had a drink in over a week, my tolerance was super low. No, I didn't black out and make a fool out of myself. Funny how having to drink room-temperature gin and tonics (because it's not like you can make an ice run in India) will slow down your pace. But still, when you're drinking 47% gin, it doesn't take much.

I woke up the next morning not feeling terrible, just tired, but certainly in no mood to go sit on a concrete floor OR dance around the place OR stare into other guys' eyes. I was over it completely. About 15 minutes in, I made up my mind and left. Just got up and walked right out the door. Before I left, I leaned over and told Holly and Laura that I was gonna bounce. Holly said, "You'll be mad at yourself if you do." Boy was she wrong! I practically floated home on Cloud Nine baby. I went and grabbed some grub at Hot Chips, then I made my way to the school. I told myself that I really needed to leave the class because I had so much to do at school (I REALLY do...seriously), but once I got there, I ended up grabbing a cushion from the corner and passing out on the floor for the next two hours. When I woke up, I attempted to do some work, but it was futile. I just have SO much to do that I literally don't even know where to begin. So, I decided to do the next best thing, which was to "work" on my fitness. I hit the pool and busted out 40 laps and felt great. Then it was back to Hot Chips where more great (and cheap!) dinner was had. I spent about $3 for a curry bowl, a large bottle of water, and two orders of garlic naan. And this place is actually somewhat expensive, comparatively speaking! Crazy.

I want to go back to the school topic for a minute so I can elaborate on how unbelievably overwhelming it is to attempt to learn five new subjects. The whole English Language Arts program is starting to make more sense to me, but I have also recently found out that although the school had used their math curriculum in the past, apparently admin has decided that we shouldn't really be using it anymore, that instead, we should be developing conceptual math lessons. For non-teachers, what this basically boils down to is presenting math in a way that really makes kids think, that's open-ended, that's performance-task related, etc. So that means, no math textbook, no worksheets, no 30 problems show all of your work. This is good for kids, but a helluva lot of work for the teachers. And not only that, but we also have to basically invent our SS unit. Today, I made some good gains on planning a few projects for the kids (I'm all about projects). I planned one in particular and shared it on Google Drive with my co-workers, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's not what we're "supposed to be doing." To hell with it. I think the kids will like it, and it'll keep me from sitting in front of the class talking (which is what the school is really about).

Now let's talk my apartment. I really don't like my apartment. Never have, never will. When I first walked into it, I looked around and kind of thought to myself, "WTF?!" I mean, it's not terrible, but after spending some time at other people's houses, my place just sucks. Plain and simple. It was billed as a nice place because of the amenities, but there's just no way I'm ever going to actually use them. I mean, it does have a decent pool, but apparently there are usually a bunch of kids in it. I'm not trying to be the weird guy down in the pool swimming around with a bunch of kids. Plus, I have the pool at school, which DOESN'T have kids and DOESN'T have a dog-leg left in it. And then there's the "weight room." Hardly. The only redeeming quality it has is the scale that I've been trekking over there to use to track my weight loss progress. But neither of these things is enough to want to keep me here. My location with regard to the school is pretty awesome, however. In fact, I'm probably about as close as one can be (one mile), so it makes for a pretty easy commute. However, there are no other teachers around me, and really, it's a pretty boring area. There's another area just northwest of me, over towards the beach, that's the prime location in town. It's only about a 15-minute walk from here (or 4-5 minutes in a tuk tuk), but really, there are no redeeming qualities besides my beloved Hot Chips. So today, I was in getting a reimbursement from the finance department when the director of personnel, Josephine, called me into her office to see how I was doing. She asked me about the custom bed that they made for  me and whether it was long enough. I replied honestly and said that while I was delighted that it was now seven feet long (and I could finally sleep comfortably at night without my hair touching my headboard), I didn't love the fact that width-wise, it turned from the size of a king into a twin. But, I told her, I wasn't trying to complain. I appreciated what the school had done for me. Then she told me that this bed was only temporary, and that in three weeks or so, a king sized mattress would be coming and this one was just to tie me over until it gets here. SWEET!!! So then, after that, I was feeling so comfortable, I asked her if she had ever seen my apartment. She said no, so I decided to tell her how it was. Hold no punches. I said, "It's horrible and I hate it." She said, "You know you can move once at the school's expense, right?" I told her that I was aware of this, but didn't want to be the complaining guy and that if I could live for a year in a fraternity house, I could certainly deal with this place. She then asked me if I wanted to check out a place where some other teachers are moving from (too small for them). It's in the best neighborhood and has a beach view, but what comes with that is having to literally see 5-10 guys a day taking a shit on the beach. At first when they told me that they had to deal with this, I laughed and said that maybe it'd be fun to start a blog or website with pictures (far away) of these guys being disgusting animals, but now that I could really do that, I'm not so sure I'm still interested. However, the awesome location and being right across the street from the beach is tempting indeed. She told me my lease was up in October, so I could either take this place, or, if I wanted to wait a bit longer, she'd partner me up with a realtor who'd take me around to look at places. I asked her if I could get in touch with HH International, which is exactly what I'm going to do when I get done with this blog! Probably not a high probability of that actually happening, but still a fun idea.

Alright, gotta go research the HH website...wish me luck!

Ben

Hammertime

A quick update, my sister (Kelly) told me last night that I was making her nervous with my allowing the kids to challenge me. As I said in yesterday's post, I wasn't too worried, but just her worrying was enough to get me thinking. So today, I came in with a somewhat modified attitude and tried to be a little more serious. The morning went really well, but at about lunchtime, some of the kids started getting a little sassy again and I decided that that was going to be enough. The trigger was when, with 15 minutes left before lunch, I made all of them write me a one-page friendly letter about any topic of their choosing. Immediately, the complaining began with little "Mr. Knight is mean" comments from the table of three girls (two American and one French)  and the French girl specifically arguing with me about having to do it. She tried to just scribble throughout the whole page and turn it in, so I told her that I'd just throw it away and she'd have to start again. She challenged me again and I told her that she was wasting her time and would end up losing her entire lunch period if she didn't get it done. In the end, she tried to write me a list, then tell me that a list is the same as a letter. A simple argument really: if a list is the same as a letter, why do they have different definitions in the dictionary? I told her she'd be doing it over the weekend and she said she wouldn't. I told her we'd see about that...

So after lunch, the kids came back in all jacked-up and were set to leave immediately to their "specials" (electives). The girls started back in with the whole Mr. Knight is this, Mr. Knight is that, I had had enough. I told them to sit down and stay put, but one of them tried to get up anyway. I got the real serious look on my face and the stern voice and sure enough, they didn't move. I saw the other kids off and went back in to talk to the girls. I told them that they'd be stopping with the nonsense, and I think that did it. Hopefully no more sassing from those three.

Then later, one of my alpha-male Korean boys wouldn't leave the room after getting kicked out of Silent Ball. I tried to give him a five-second countdown, but he just put his head down and didn't move. I told him to follow me outside, where I had my second talk of the day about doing what he was told. I don't think he's used to anybody ever telling him what to do, but I think we reached and understanding.

So, Kelly (and anyone else who was worried about my newfound lax teaching style), no more worries. I'm pretty sure that the kids in my class have a newfound understanding of who's in charge. It's funny that after 12 years in the classroom, I'm being reminded of the need to come in fairly firm. It's a lesson I've never really had to think about these past five years or so because the kids had already come in terrified of me, but maybe the old "Mr. Knight" needs rear his ugly head every once in a while to remind the kids how good they have it with the new and improved version...

Crisis Averted (for now)

One of the details that wasn't discussed in my 30-minute, life-altering interview in Iowa was the fact that at AISC, teachers co-teach. The idea is that by keeping classroom numbers low, and then sticking another teacher in there for the Reading & Writing block, kids can get really intensive support in learning the English language. If you ask me, it's a little bit of overkill. I mean, yesterday, there were three of us (including my TA, who since I don't know how to really utilize her that well, just kind of stands around waiting for me to think of something...which rarely happens) walking around, lurking really, while the kids were reading silently. It was weird. But the other thing about having a co-teacher, is that it's one of those "too many cooks in the kitchen" types of things, and it can potentially lead to crises, such as the one that was averted today.

So, when I got here, it wasn't long before we learned (well, I learned anyway) that we'd be teamed up with a co-teacher for the 1.5 hour block, and then a few spelling periods in between (where my teaching partner and I share her). The only other times that I've team taught were back in the LUSD days, where I "team taught" three times. How many of those were disasters? Yep. Two of them were with two women who can be rather unpleasant at times (only LUSD teachers REALLY in-the-know will remember who they were) and the other time was with my buddy, Larry Dextraze. Now, I won't try to describe here who Larry is and what he's all about, but I will say that he and I go pretty far back. He and I both started teaching at the same time and share many debaucherous memories from back when I was living in the Douglas Road house. Anyway, I'll leave it at that, but the story I wanted to briefly share was when he and I were team teaching. So, rather than utilize both teachers to, say, work with smaller groups, what Larry and I did was take turns teaching the whole class, rendering the whole point of "co-teaching" completely useless. He'd teach for an hour while I sat in the back biting my fist, and then as soon as it was my turn, I'd jump in and teach while he sat powerlessly in the back of the room seething because he didn't like the way I was teaching and wanted to be up there instead. It was a disaster, and in the end, we almost ended our friendship over it. We were both so big-headed that we thought the other one was horrible and that we were superior. In the end, I'm sure we both sucked, but at least we got through the summer without getting into a fist fight.

But it doesn't stop there because truly, my last co-teaching experience was in Medellin, which also ended horribly. At the Columbus School, I was partnered not so much with a co-teacher per se, rather a young, inexperienced Colombian woman who'd come into MY classroom and "teach" MY kids for an hour and a half every day. Basically, what it looked like was this fool basically bullshitting and doing all of this "feel good" crap with the kids, who were barely even paying attention because they were too busy rolling around on the floor, playing with each other's hair, laughing, screaming, and yelling, etc. I'd sit there at my computer glaring at all of them (and her especially) the ENTIRE time, and as soon as she left, I'd rip into them for their bad behavior. Looking back, I feel bad because it really wasn't their fault. If I were them, I would've played Colombian grab-ass too, but it just infuriated me how I'd worked so hard to get them in line and then when she'd come, they'd screw around the entire time. Well, it got to the point where it was so bad that I actually had to sit down with her and the elementary school principal vice-principal (who was Colombian herself) and try to "work it out." That didn't end well. The whole time, she defended her while the teacher sat there and cried. They made me out to be the big, bad bully, and me, not having it, got really defensive and accused the principal lady of picking sides. I think she actually ended up calling off the meeting because it was clear that it wasn't going anywhere. So yeah, those were all of my co-teaching experiences, and I'm SURE none of these conflicts had anything to do with me...

Fast forward to now, and I find myself in a similar situation. I'm partnered up with a younger Indian woman who I don't think has much experience teaching at this level. On a personal level, we've gotten along really well. However, once we got into the classroom and had to start teaching, things started getting a little dicey. Here's the situation: she's an EAL (English as an Additional Language) teacher, meaning, she's there to support the kids and me during the language arts block. What, exactly, her role is hasn't been clearly defined. so that's part of the problem. The other part of the problem is that the "Reader's Workshop" program is new to us both. So, yesterday, when we sat down to do the first "mini lesson," things didn't go so well. The lesson that we had to do was pretty lame from the start, but add to that two people who aren't really comfortable teaching this way, and then the awkward dynamic of both kind of jockeying for attention, and you've got a tense situation. To make matters more complicated, I'm the joker and the one who makes kids laugh (mostly because nobody knows what I'm going to say or do next, and that includes me), while she's kind of "that lady" who is clearly a little uncomfortable in her new role. Like I said, the lesson went pretty horribly, but for me, when it was over, I at least had the rest of the day to redeem myself. I'm not sure I've made it clear enough, but to any of you who've taught, this is an uncomfortable situation. I mean, for all intents and purposes, this is MY classroom and these are MY kids, who I'm basically having to share with another teacher for a couple of hours a day. And like I said, I don't think this extra teacher is even necessary, but it's a decision admin has made and I'm not going to argue with it.

After the lesson was over and she had left, I immediately started thinking, "Oh shit. Is this going to be another TCK/Colombia experience? Am I going to end up going toe-to-toe with her and is this going to end badly?" I was pretty worked up for the ret of the day, and me being me, I played out all sorts of worst-case scenarios. I mean, here I am on day two, and I'm already having horrible thoughts of what's to come. So this morning, when she came in and we needed to plan together, I had a list of notes about things I wanted to discuss with her regarding the lesson and the way things work in the classroom. However, I had forgotten that it was actually a "triad" meeting (with the third teacher who I share my EAL teacher with). In the end, this was a really good thing because she unknowingly served as a great buffer. We had a really positive meeting where I was able to subtly voice some of my concerns with the program (and not make it personal). We had a nice chat and made some good progress, and in the end, both of us discussed some of our feelings. When Becky (the other teacher) left, the two of us planned a pretty good lesson for the day and made sure that it was something the kids would enjoy (and they did). I put on some Jack Johnson in the background, and we both milled around helping out the kids with their work and having a good time. Crisis averted (for now).

On another note, three days in and my class has gotten SASSY! I have nobody to blame but myself, but really, it's not a problem for me. Remember, for the past decade or so, I've filled the role of "scary guy," so it's a nice change of pace for the kids to not really be scared of me (at all). That's not how I wanted to approach this year, and it's certainly not an acceptable relationship for me to have at a school where the kids really are SUPER well behaved and also a place where families are paying top-dollar for their kids' educations. So yeah, I wouldn't consider it a problem right now, particularly because I think if it got to that point, I could pretty easily pull a kid or two aside and let them know that it wasn't working for me. How did they get this way? Well, I don't think they had ever planned on being this way when they came in. I think they came to me pretty quiet, reserved, etc., but after spending a few days with me, they've seen that they can challenge me a little bit. Like, today, when I told them we were going to play a game to determine whether they'd have homework for the night, I told them they had two choices: 1) I give them homework or 2) They play "a game" to determine whether they GET homework. Of course, they chose option number two. So then, I told them that only one kid could play, and that he/she would be representing the entire class. This one kid, Tejas, raises his hand and takes the challenge. I take a piece of paper and write the number 245,638 on it. I then tell him that he has to guess a number between 1-1,000,000 and if he gets it wrong, they all have homework. Uproar!! All of the kids are jumping out of their seats, arguing with me about how it's not fair, and then I engage them about how it was THEM who chose option number two! So then one particularly vocal French girl starts yelling about how he should get to ask me 20 questions, so we haggled it down to three (which isn't nearly enough). But of course, he still ended up losing. Did I really end up giving them homework? Of course not, but this was probably about the 20th time that I've played a trick on them that has ended up with loud voices and mild chaos in the room. I should probably stop, but it's just so funny to me. I like them being vocal and challenging me. It's good to get them a little bit riled up, and even though they argue vehemently, we all laugh about it in the end. So for now, we'll see how it goes. I don't think it's an issue of them not respecting me, but probably more of a "taunting big brother" relationship for a lot of them. I do have my times when I'm serious with them, and they really are pretty attentive and participatory, but I guess that somehow, I'm trying to make up with humor for the fact that I have pretty much no idea how their academic day is supposed to run because I'm so inundated with having to learn five sets of new curriculum. Total coping strategy, but again, I think it'll all work out. These kids have been brought up to respect their teachers, so I think that they'll be pretty easy to reign in if need be. For now, it's nice to take on a different role, and I like that they're not scared of me. If only they knew that they were talking back to the infamous Mr. Knight of TCK...wow, they have no idea.

Alright, I'm signing off. I'm tired from night number two of Sudarshan Kriya. I'm gonna sleep like a baby, but like usual, be WIDE awake by six because of the horrible birds outside of my window. Oh well, whaddya gonna do?

Ben

Day One: Done

Wow, what a day. Having 13 kids is almost a surreal experience. At times, you look around and think to yourself, "Where is the rest of the class?!" and then you realize that they're all there. Nobody is up talking with the principal, no kids are off in the "Language!" program, nobody's at music, blah blah blah. It's great. When you're in a pinch and need something quick-like, you grab your TA, and she runs off to make the copies for you. Wow. I can't tell you how many times in the last decade plus I've really needed something and had to "wing it" because I couldn't get back up to the office (or conversely, you roll the dice and kind of saunter out the door, making it look like you're NOT going anywhere, then SPRINTING to the office to make the copies, check your mailbox, etc.). Now, those days are behind me. We're not in LUSD anymore...

The kids. What can I say about the kids? Well, they're just nice. Nice and smart. I obviously haven't seen too much of their intelligence yet, but just the fact that they're all bilingual impresses me. Even the vast majority of the "American" kids are actually half Polish, or French, or Indian. Additionally, nearly every kid here lives in the old-fashioned household, where mom stays home and dad's off to work at his IT or engineering job. It's kind of crazy that way. My group was definitely super well behaved, and immensely enjoyed watching me misplace things, struggle with technology (at points, I vacillated between threatening the Apple TV/LCD projector and sweet talking it, and then all the way to pleading with it to work). What's super hilarious to me is the fact that I can tell that these kids aren't used to having a joker for a teacher. There's this one kid, Paul (who's French) who I swear spent the first hour of the morning wondering if I was mentally stable or not. He was the first kid I met, and I started joking with him and his mom. The whole time I was trying to elicit some laughter from him, he was looking at me as if to say, "Are you joking? Do I laugh now? Are you crazy and are you going to hurt me?" You could just tell that he was uncomfortable with my banter. However, about an hour into class, after I had cracked them all up a number of times, it was like a lightbulb went off in his head and suddenly he was thinking more like, "This dude is hilarious! What's he going to say/do next?!" Seriously, by the end of the day, he'd laugh SO hard at my jokes, which just encouraged more jokes. It was like I was the funniest dude in the world, and everyone in the crowd was my biggest fan in the world. I threatened them with having to work in the junkyard next door if/when they didn't do homework, I told them that they were all going to have to come up and sing their favorite song to the whole class, I told them that when the class traveled together, everyone would have to hold hands, I said that their first homework assignment was to write a five-page paper on how handsome their teacher was, and my favorite, halfway through class I acted like I had been teaching the wrong class the entire time and that I was actually a kindergarten teacher. Boy, they REALLY fell for that one. They went completely silent as I went over to my laptop and pretended to look up my "actual" room number. They were buying it all! The downside is that now they will probably question everything I tell them from now on, but hey, it was fun while it lasted. Oh, and then my day ended with a personal thank-you email from my principal asking how my day was, thanking me for being on the staff, and then asking if there's anything I need. Quite the contrast from my last six years (and that's putting it lightly)...

Alright, more tales to come, but I need to get down to the pool. Also, after I get home, I'm going to my first meditation class tonight from 6:30-9:00. That's gonna be intense. After that, I imagine that I lie down in bed and faintly remember my head hitting the pillow.

Ben

BTW- I'm uploading the four pictures of the four groups of kids on my FB page. Way easier than uploading to here.

Catching Up

I was talking to my sister last night, who was telling me funny tales of a trip she recently took with her family and my mom to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. As she wrapped up her storytelling, she asked me why I hadn't been blogging lately. I told her that I really didn't have a reason, but I have noticed that blogs can be a funny thing. I guess it's kinda like keeping your house clean. If you pick up after yourself every day, maybe wipe down the counters (or toilet seats, as the case may be), things look fine and you can probably go a while without doing any sort of deep clean (this system basically completely describes my whole attitude towards house cleaning). However, if you neglect it, you end up having to spend the entire day cleaning the crap out of it. In that same sense, if you stay caught up on your blogs, you can tell short little tales, but if you go too long, then comes the arduous task of having to invest a whole lot of time getting caught up. Now don't think I'm going to write a novel tonight (OK, I might), rather, my job is to now mentally go through the last week or so and try to dig up some of the highlights. I have no organizational plan going into this particular posting, so let's just dive into my own personal stream of consciousness (in no particular order).

Alright, so the day after tomorrow marks two weeks here in Chennai. I'd like to say something lame like, "boy, the time sure has flown by," but that would be a lie. Time has most certainly not flown by. Or perhaps, "time flies when you're having fun," but that wouldn't really apply either. Has it been fun? For sure. Nearly every day has brought with it new knowledge and new experiences and new adventures. One thing people like to talk about is the whole "honeymoon" phase of living overseas. And you know what? It's not that I feel like I'm in that place either. My life isn't blissfully fun, but it certainly doesn't suck. Am I happier here than back home? Yes and no, but if I had to choose, I can honestly say I'd rather be here. That's not a put-down to anyone back in CA or otherwise, but really, I feel like I'm on the verge of greatness. I feel like these last two weeks have really set the stage for what are sure to be some major life changes and personal growth. In my 12 or so days in Chennai, here's what I feel I've accomplished:

* I'm settled into my apartment
* I know my neighborhood fairly well (via getting lost a sufficient number of times)
* I've learned about how the tuk-tuk system of transport works
* I've laid the groundwork for great relationships with my bosses (they like to be called "colleagues")
* I've made some really solid friendships with a few people in particular
* I've gotten used to (and even still enjoy) the food (but don't ask me to tell you what any of them are called, because even though I've eaten certain things repeatedly and seen their titles on little serving placards, I still have no clue)
* I've survived a mountain of trainings, meetings, etc. without losing my mind
* I've gone to parties and shown people that Ben Knight likes to have a good time (but haven't made an ass out of myself by, say: passing out on a couch while snoring and wearing an eye patch, running home from a bar barefoot, or even sleeping on a sidewalk in SF wearing a Karate Kid Cobra Kai gi)
* I've established myself as equal parts clown and other parts motivated, curious and (somewhat) knowledgeable teacher
* I've found the city's largest mall and a salon with the Indian Edward Scissor Hands to cut my hair (seriously, this dude did a fade all with scissors...craziest haircut I've ever gotten, but also one of the best)
* I've hired a maid and a tuk-tuk driver
* I've gotten back into a fitness routine that will hopefully get me back down to size (pun intended)
* I successfully found the "Art of Living" yoga/meditation studio and enrolled myself into a Sudarshan Kriya intensive meditation course that starts tomorrow (tonight was our intro class)
* And finally, I haven't pissed anyone off yet (that I know of)

Wow, that's a lot! It actually makes me look quite accomplished, huh? Impressed? I don't need to ask. I know you are.

So yeah, I'd have to say that I'm pretty settled in. But tomorrow, tomorrow is the moment we've all been waiting for...the first day of school!!

I was joking with some fellow teachers the other night that you couldn't blame any of us if we thought for a moment that we weren't even here to work. Seriously, the whole first week was spent partying BALLS, and ever since then (last Tuesday), it's been spent going to meetings and trainings (talk about a brutal 180). LOTS of meetings and trainings. And I shit-you-not, we even had an hour-long meeting about meetings!! Most of them have been quite informative, but that one was a killer. I seriously wanted to jump out the window that day.

Most of the meetings have been more informative in nature, about procedures, programs and what-not. A big focus has been on the whole "Reader's Workshop" approach to teaching reading that I wrote about a while back. It certainly is an interesting concept, and I'm not sure I agree with it 100%, but in this case, I'm definitely going to "drink the Kool-Aid" and see it through to fruition. Again, I came here to expose myself to different ways of doing things, and since they place so much emphasis on this (and how great it is), I figure I might as well go "all in" and see how the kids and I do along the way.

Although that's been a big talking point, it's funny, because the rest of the school day is a little more loose. Nobody has said a word about the math program, but that's clearly because nobody's proud of it. Going against everything revolutionary in education, the school actually has the "Everyday Math" curriculum, which I think is a little bit humiliating for them. It's similar to anything you'd find in the states (read: lame), and it sounds like people are kind of all over the place in terms of its administration. They also have a spelling program called "Words Their Way" which is a developmental approach to spelling. It gets pretty mixed reviews, but again, there's nothing creative about it. Kids kind of settle into a routine and teachers don't sound like they're particularly involved with that process. Again, since it's not cutting-edge, the school certainly isn't touting it, but, it doesn't sound like it's horrible either. My co-worker, Becky (late 50's Malaysian woman who's been at AISC for all of its 17 years) asked me if I wanted to look the book over today. I said, "Sure. I'll get to that right after I read the "Reader's Workshop book, the "Writer's Workshop" book, and study the math curriculum."

Seriously, what's been thrown my way in terms of how they do things at the school is truly mind-boggling. You might think that someone like me with such control issues would be dying right now, but I guess there's something to be said for the fact that I've basically (ok, completely) spontaneously taught every single day of my teaching career. Tomorrow's just another day (but with really rich kids). I've also utilized the "I'm going to shut down mentally now and go read MSNBC for a while" coping strategy when I do feel overwhelmed (and that seems to work really well). Am I going to get to continue in my lackadaisical ways? Absolutely not. But, keep in mind that I work with a co-teacher for 90 minutes a day (during reading and writing) AND have 90 minutes per day of prep time. Oh, and did I mention that I have a teacher's aide? A real teacher's aide, and not some half-dead middle schooler who drags ass through my door only to slump themselves down into a chair and take 50 minutes to do something I could do in five. Seriously, this girl is awesome. She'll do whatever I ask her to do. Whatever. No, kidding. But, she'll run copies, correct papers, and get me coffee. Seriously, pretty much whatever. It's amazing. The other day she asked me what she could do to help, and I answered like a guy who has never had an ounce of help in his life. I just stared at her and said, "I don't know. What do you want to do?" An hour later, she had created a welcome sign, put up like four bulletin boards, and organized my closet. It's like having a magic genie!

So yeah, school is upon me and I'm feeling pretty good. I lost a kid today, so I'm down to 13 (which is a story in and of itself...but basically they pulled this kid out of my class and put him in with a younger female teacher. They gave me one story and her another, and after letting it eat away at me for about an hour, I went and had a conversation with the principal to clear the air. It was rather professional of me, I must say. Only something that 35-year-old Ben was capable of accomplishing...not something I probably would have done five years ago. There was a somewhat decent explanation, but then again, why should I argue with having 13 kids instead of 14?). In all, I think I have: four Koreans, two Japanese, four Americans, one British, one Italian, and one French kid. Now THIS is an international school. I basically have a mini United Nations...how cool is that?! Tomorrow should be a really interesting day. I need to work on my Indian "head bobble" and my Asian bow, as both are huge in the respective cultures (I practice the head bobble all the time...don't quite have it mastered. If you don't know what I mean, it kind of looks like they're shaking their heads "no," but really, it's a yes. SUPER confusing, but once you know what they're doing, it's actually SUPER funny). One teacher told me that the Japanese kids aren't even going to want to look me in the eye for fear of disrespecting me. I'm not having any of that. Tell you what, give me a few months with them and I'll turn those fools out. I'll have them popping their collars, doing the "Crip Walk, " using sarcasm effectively and all sorts of hilariousness. I can't wait.

Alright, I promised I wouldn't write a novel. One paragraph more and that's what it'll be, so I'll stop there (Wait, what? It's already a novel?! Dang it, I hate it when that happens). Wish me luck tomorrow, and don't be afraid to drop me a line sometime! (benknight27@gmail.com) or you can just inbox me on FB. I go on there...occasionally...

So remember, while you're off having pleasant dreams, I'm in there hopefully teaching the class of my dreams. Think good thoughts for me!

Ben